Puss in boots

Him (messaging at 6:30 AM on a Sunday): Hey, U up for this d*ck? Me: I haven’t had a sip of coffee yet and I ate a whole platter of mozzarella sticks before bed. Gonna have to respectfully decline.

Him (messaging me with nary a stat or pic): “Hey, got a face pic? I’ll send in return.” Gurl, bye. *block*

Stop giving your gay dollar to gay baiters. Give it to actual gay people (me) instead. 😜

It’s quittin’ time for me, but you’ve still got some work to do.

He wanted this cake creamy

Hit this bottom up and he said he only messes with tops, no vers men. To each his own, but baby the vers men know what feels good because they have that experience.

Someone yelled gyat at me as I was walking downtown earlier and I’m so old that I didn’t know if that was a good thing or bad thing.

I love how people on apps assume you’re fake if you put the slightest amount of effort into taking good newds

Is biting someone’s butt a thing now? I’ve had two separate guys in the past week do this to me and it’s not the slightest bit enjoyable. Lick it, smack it, rub it…sure. But don’t chomp down please.

Justice for Amerie. She deserved so much more. I’m still bumping this at the gym.

Was talking to a straight male friend about skincare and he was amazed that my skincare routine was anywhere from 7-10 steps. He thought that was extra. I wanted to tell him that maybe he should try at least one of those steps.

Wanna help me with some yard work?

These younger guys at the gym are so confusing. The Under Armour freedom flag shirt paired with 3” shorts are giving all kinds of mixed messages.

My bf got his 🕳️ waxed for the first time 👅 and I got a 20$ discount for referring him. I’m truly winning the day.

Cunt-ry

I’m usually one of the most docile people you’ll meet, but get me naked and I swear I turn into a lil’ semen demon.

He wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but he damn sure was the biggest -me describing a recent hookup