I'm shocked how many Republicans are concerned about banning the content of books when so many of them haven't been within a 20 foot radius of more than a single page of text without pictures in the past decade. It'd be like me being really concerned about kale salads.

Periodically I look for #ufo videos just incase I missed that we made contact. Like maybe it slipped by me last week that we found aliens.

If you thought “hey what if words in squares” and someone said “wow cool here have a million dollars” none of you would say no. #wordle

Google: So sometimes photographs of people of color in low light conditions don’t come out great so we tried to fix that in this camera. Boomers: Did y’all see that commercial about the camera that exterminates all white people and turns my son into a communist? #SuperBowlLVI

Can’t wait for the #superbowl commercial where AC Slater teaches Screech’s corpse how to buy dogecoin

Today I told someone "I've been getting really into hot cocoa lately" and with every word of that sentence I felt the full weight of my entire body entering my 30's

“lol these idiots don’t just TRUST SCIENCE” I said, and then turned on a podcast about #cryptids because I know in my heart there is a half man half pig.

Me: Sees a dollar bill on the ground Me: looks like it’s my lucky day John Quiñones: not so fast you piece of shit.

I can't wait to slap the fuck out of David Allan Grier next year at the Webby's in defense of Larry David. #alopeciaawareness #Oscar

Hey did you hear a few billionaires had a tiff at their golden statue ceremony they hold every year while the rest of us struggle to afford food and shelter.

if you slap someone full force and not only do they not go down but they go right back to casually talking about documentaries, you have lost. #WillAndChris

Especially when the dude is like 1/3 your size

#HappyEaster enjoy this #meme I made

As I clicked "purchase" on a $53 order for a Pee Wee Herman action figure and a Tony Soprano Tony Hawk parody t-shirt I realized in one succinct moment why my previous jobs felt like I didn't deserve to have more money.

Fool. The real Mona Lisa is the #NFT of it in my #GameStop Wallet. This physical copy is all but worthless.

BREAKING: #FBI Raids Trumps Safe and Confiscates All of His Bakugan

I feel like we’re going to see some worse than Jan 6th shit if Trump is hauled off in cuffs. Like a Dumbass 9/11. Driving two short buses into an Arbys.

Daniel Jones’ topps card should be a picture of him shoving his shoulder pad back into his jersey after a sack #nfl #giants #nygiants

I would like to congratulate Gallagher 2, who today has finally upgraded to Gallagher 1

I hate the idea heat level is so important for #hotsauce unless it’s like no heat at all 12 #scovilleunits baby shit that makes 52 year old white women go “oo too spicy” but taste like it was just made in the same room a chili pepper once was Hot Ones: The Game Show #hotones