at this point fuck it let’s just do jurassic park. who cares

I’m the friend that’s gonna tell you to leave every single time. Relationships, jobs, the damn club … if you’re not happy baby go

the first person to ever throw up was probably like ok what the fuck

2022 we’re taking trips and making money

I AM NO LONGER THE CLUB FRIEND! Lets book a trip bitch. That's my vibe.

no offense but if my friend was pushing me non stop to eat green eggs and ham i’d kick his fucking ass

When it comes to Aussies you either get the best dogs of your life, or a borderline crackhead.

my bf just asked me if Mary J Blige was Jessica Simpson

my bank blocked my card because of a security threat. it was me, buying a mattress, at 2 am. i am my own biggest threat

i swear i black out in target, i go in for razors and leave with a whole cart full 🥲

y’all better tip your bartenders or you’ll be cancelled💅😤

Im part of the 1% that likes Nickelback

nick jonas: I have diabetes teen girls everywhere: he’s dying within the hour

mercury is back in Powerade don’t text your ex back!

see it’s like i think i’d be a good parent, right but if i had 5+ kids i would pyramid rank them, to their faces, every week like abby lee miller did on dance moms