Poop: coming soon to a diaper near me

New Orleans street hustler: “I’ll bet you $20 that I can tell you what Twin Peaks: The Return is about”

Tent Holds Five

Ironically, less than 24 hours after posting this we had an insane blowout and it was EVERYWHERE

UCI bought this hospital in March of last year and still has a temporary banner up like it’s a Spirit Halloween store

10/10 no notes

Imagine being 72 years old and your dad is like “ok maybe you’re finally mature enough to handle this”

He did the thing

“nuts” “mad” “evil beyond belief” “i have met some very bad people, none as bad as trump” “not one decent cell in his body” “so yes, dangerous”

“And I said to the Lorax, ‘You poor stupid guy! You never can tell what some people will buy’”

The three types of bassists: - least talented one of friends who start a band together - multi-instrumentalist who ‘takes one for the team’ by agreeing to play bass - hyperfixated bassologist playing 500 notes per minute with techniques seen only in textbooks under “don’t”

I would watch a Christmas movie about an old curmudgeon named Hogly Crankin

In all seriousness, this is even funnier than when he was dead

It’s raining, it’s pouring The old men are whoring

Have we tried turning all the millennials off and then back on again