Stephen Curry putting on a fucking show tonight!

Well deadpool was everything I hoped for

Can always tell when I had a drunken dancing night, even if I can't remember, thanks to the bruises on my knees #getlow

Shaq in wrestlemania?! Fuck yea! #wrestlemania

Come trash dude bros, is getting the trash outside my window at 4:30 REALLY the best time to do it?

Good news: soccer team jerseys! Bad news: we look like the Broncos

May have just rapped the entire song "ice ice baby" in front of a whole crowded bar

Watching the Golden State game at the bar and there's a group watching Nascar, cheering with every wreck

Danica crashes: "Yeaaaaaa!! Fuck you Danica!"

Is it weird that I just bought a samsung vr and the South Park virtual reality "vindaloop" episode

Is now playing?

Tonight is the first time in YEARS that I've been the most sober in the group, and now I remember why I don't do this

I just natured so hard today. Remind me to never do that again

Fun fact, a couple with a newborn moved in above me and the newborns bed is above mine. I don't want kids.

You know you made it big when old Asian ladies comment on how great your shoes are

"David, quit being a shitty friend and come chug my beer" - Kirk

Sad news, there are no pokemon within walking distance of the Dept of Homeland Security office. They will be put down if they get close.

Bad news, my fingerprints are now in the security database, looks like no easy crime for me

Good news, we got a hash tag for trev's wedding now #parkitinthebaum

Do not YouTube duck penises or tortoise dicks, those animals have been ruined for me forever by a person I'm questioning my friendship with