Yes he did meet you at a bar he hates so you could go over your online profiles with your friend he also hates. SMDH

Current mood

It's a way of measuring time.

Can someone tell me what Sen. Bernie Sanders' stance is on this issue of dive bar bathroom reform?

Every time David Payne hands it off to Lacey Swope he goes off screen and shotguns a natty ice with Matt Mahler

We have a secret basement. 😉💦 x.com/mdotcarney/sta…

From now on every time David Payne issues his own tornado warning, take a shot.

I don't know what is worse: David Payne's on air presence or his suit.

Yo, The Speak is your ladies room still out of my tax bracket or is she more down to earth now?

It's only 10 and I smell like tequila and decisions OU FIGI's don't tell their frat bros about.

Lots of people have applied this life advice inside of me.

It's almost 11 and no one has done anything wrong in me. #thisis60

Somebody just got Holy Diver all over my new toilet seat.

I used an Oxford comma there because my therapist said I should try harder to feel classy and distinguished.

Thank you based god that the affluent closet alcoholics that commit sex acts inside of me are also season ticket holders. #ThunderUp

Can we all agree that we should sacrificially kill Justin Bieber to keep Craig Sager?

I mumble thins song when people throw up in me. Praying to based god that it is blood and that they are expiring. x.com/kotyy/status/7…

Everyone is losing it over Trump and I'm just out here wondering when Addison Russell and Amanda Seyfried gonna make some weird eyed babies

@wendymadeve you realize that they wrote a rock opera about politics.