Her: I feel like a sweet treat tonight. Me (in my head): Alright, alright! She then proceeds to mix Greek yogurt with Zero Sugar Cool Whip and crumbles a rice cake into it. Me:

AssProf: I suddenly can't log into any uni site or service. Can you help? Me: Sure. Are you logging in with your uni ID, and you're sure the password is right? AP: Absolutely. Me: OK, try to log in now and let me watch. <starts typing> Me: Stop. That's not your uni ID. AP:

.Associate Deans : My printer hasn't worked since last week. I need for you to fix it ASAP! <I go to the office> Me: Well, it's not working because you've unplugged the printer's USB cable from the dock so that you can charge your phone... AD:

Email from Associate Deans this morning: I decided to move this Wednesday's new student orientation to a nearby campground. It will be great! The campground doesn't have Wi-Fi, projectors, screens, or a sound system. Can you make sure we have all of that set up by 8:00 am on Weds? Me:

Annual "college retreat" time. Also known as an 8-hour business meeting in a random building on campus. 🙄🥱😑😞 Ah, I mean:

First day of classes. Thousands of people are on campus for the first time in months. Central IT: We don't anticipate any issues. Everything is working as it should. All of us in the trenches:

Whelp, that didn't age well. Less than one hour after posting, the student information system went down.🤦‍♂️

Uni admins made a big deal about a 3% "cost of living" increase this summer. Fast forward a month, and they send a nondescript letter (to my home address) with news of a 6% increase in insurance premiums. Me:

This is so wrong. *Funny*, but wrong. And if you don't get this, I'm not sure that we can be friends.

Ass Prof who had Covid last week says on the way out the door: Well, another one in the family has it. I gotta go get my kid from school - 30 minutes later, same Ass Prof is walking with said kid down the hall in the office. Literally me: youtube.com/watch?v=Q5lMOA…

When a new employee starts, and you find out that they were born 3 years after you started working at your current higher ed job:

It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day (yes, it's really a thing-look it up). It's a rule: you have to work in some pirate talk into your everyday conversation today.

I sent an email to faculty with a reminder to turn off classroom projectors because a number have been left on - including over a weekend. AssProf: I always turn it off, so it's not me! Me walking into the same AP's classroom immediately after class today & finding everything on:

Talking to Associate Deans about faculty who I can't get to respond to emails. AD:

Business Manager: It's come to my attention that you have taken no PTO this calendar year and have submitted no requests for PTO through the end of the year. Can you tell me why? Actual me:

AssProf: I need a new MacBook. The camera on this is too blurry for people to see me. Me: Do you close the lens cover after every meeting? AP: Yes! I don't want it on by accident. Me: MacBook's don't come with lens covers. It's blurry because of your fingerprint smudges. Also me:

Massive Microsoft 365 outage happening. (Hey Prof. Goat - it wasn't me!) Accurate representation of me right now: