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I lost a scab out the window on I495 by exit 40. If found please contact. I want it back.

Stuff that's flammable will go up in flamms

The next hipster thing is going to be stripping down and customizing "retro propeller planes"

I just slipped on a banana peel for the first time in my life. I'm so fucking excited!

Mums for moms. Buy a mum get a mom.

Lil Wayne is the best guitarist

Four green peppers and an ankle bracelet

If you're worried about spilling your vodka just deink it all.

Youre crazy if you dont watch this. youtube.com/watch?v=CzFa6m… via YouTube My buddy Anthony Barone!

Everyone wants to discredit and ruin bands for you "descending 3rds, next time you listen to rush, that's all it is descending 3rds"

His aim is so good he can shoot an ostrich in the neck

Use mascara to make your pubes look longer

I got a dog and trained him to do "footrest." He's the best dog ever.

The type of gum you love having 9 pieces of crammed in the back of your jaw. #5prism

I wish there was a big digital counter outside every building showing how many times someone said penis there that day.