I spent my entire life focusing on being a peak of human perfection. And I train 17 hours a day making sure it stays that way! #ChampStyle

The drinks we had, the women we shared, it won't be the same without ya, Steve. And I'll miss ya. Thanks for everything. #RIPSteveJobs

I like to think about the old days, back when I defeated Cell single-handedly. I was such an amateur back then. Like to see Cell try me now!

Happy 420 to all my loyal fans out there! Be sure to celebrate this glorious day by ordering the finest green since money. “Hercule Sativa”. Bud fit for a champ, affordable for you!

Damn, it feels good to be a champion.

PEOPLE OF EARTH! I, THE GREAT HERCULE, HAVE MASTERED A NEW TECHNIQUE THAT’LL SAVE US FROM ANY THREAT THAT COMES KNOCKING AT OUR DOORS! If you wish to learn this technique, sign up for a monthly membership at my dojo for the low price of $999.99 a month for the first 3 months.

Today is a day to celebrate our fine planet and by extension, yours truly- the world martial arts champion! It isn’t easy saving the earth from countless threats but I do it for you, the people. Don’t forget to buy my memoir ‘A Champ’s Legacy’ for $29.99 on Amazon.

There comes a time in every man's life where they sleep with a woman I've already slept with.

Training my boy Zuckerberg at my dojo. He’s a slow learner, especially when compared to yours truly. ‘Course, Zuck is training with the best, and at a humble discount of $20K an hour!

All this Super Saiyan nonsense needs to stop. Everyone knows that I, Hercule, martial arts champion of the world, am the true hero of earth!

PEOPLE OF EARTH! I, THE GREAT HERCULE, HAVE MASTERED A NEW TECHNIQUE THAT’LL SAVE US FROM ANY THREAT THAT COMES KNOCKING AT OUR DOORS! If you wish to learn this technique, sign up for a monthly membership at my dojo for the low price of $999.99 a month for the first 3 months.

Did I ever tell you about the time I single-handedly beat Cell and saved the whole planet? Boy, those were the days. He was such a cream puff. Haha!

Right, ahem. Ya see, the sheer awesome power of my fighting techniques sent out a frequency that interfered with the broadcast signal. That can happen sometimes when I don’t hold back! Ahaha!

People actually have to WORK at being good at things?

Ahaha! Fear not, people of earth! For I, Hercule Satan, supreme martial arts fighting champion of the world, will defeat ISIS!

Yours truly, the Martial Arts Champion of the world, Hercule Satan, is responsible for taking the life of Osama Bin Laden. Youre welcome.

Damn, it feels good to be a champion.

Surprised there was no Rapture? Who do you think took care of it? Yours truly, of course. It was no sweat. Not for the Martial Arts Champ!

#MyAnimeCrush

Remember who beat Cell? That's right! Singlehandedly too! Used my special training to take him down in a single blow, that's right! Ahaha!