Mario Balotelli kinda looks like a GTA character who you know is gonna betray you at some point.

Wayne Rooney looks like a guy who goes to the beach with his bulldog, slaps his kids and tells seagulls to fuck off.

Luka Modric looks like the kinda guy who would tell you wanking 15 times a day is a healthy pastime.

Graziano Pelle looks like the kinda guy who's a Greek waiter and bangs lasses from Wigan when they're in Zante.

Harry Kane looks like the sort of guy who'd be distracted by some jingling keys and some shiny tinfoil.

Jamie Vardy looks like one of those yobbos down your local who gets vexed over pool & puts dubstep on the jukebox.

John Terry looks like that one uncle who downs your champagne and then says something racist at Christmas dinner.

Manuel Pelligrini looks like that cabby you meet at the airport in Ibiza & says it's €50 if you shit in his taxi.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic looks like a 17th century Japanese nobleman who goes down the dojo to kung fu kick children.

Samir Nasri looks like the kinda guy who's actually a French lesbian.

Roy Keane looks kinda like the guy on your bus who mutters incessantly to himself and smells like fried piss.

Andrea Pirlo looks like the description of the guy who knocked up your aunt Susan in Marbella.

However, Joe Allen IS the guy who actually knocked her up.

Danny Murphy looks like the kinda guy who pops up on Facebook statuses now & then with poorly spelt racist arguments

Hector Bellerin looks like the fuck boy your ex got with who has a BTEC in public services.

Simon Mignolet needs to be drugs tested straight after this match.

Phil Neville looks like the kinda guy that has his picture taken with the DJ while he's gurning his nut off.

Sam Allardyce looks like the kinda guy who'd sell you a car radio down the pub for a packet of Twiglets and a pint of wine

i were just down the red lion and the barmaid asked me to stop lookin at her like that and I said fuck off get me a john smith! Hahahahahaha

Troy Deeney looks like Drake's older brother who slings his own mixtapes to people in a Tesco Express.