why would I pay to be scared at a haunted house when I could just jog alone at night for free

At CONAN there was a crew member who was fired because Conan witnessed him being impatient and rude to a server at a restaurant. Just remembering that now, for no particular reason.

Thanks for all the lovely comments about this scene from people who have been through a similar situation. x.com/kerryfowler_/s…

Wouldn’t it make sense if Banksy stenciled on the side of the tent of a homeless person? 🤔

Me listening to Radiohead on shuffle

What country do I have to go to for a vacation from Bad Bunny 🎶 😒 🌍

Why do Mexican ATMs distribute $500 peso notes when NONE of Mexico has change for it? 😒

I wish it was a Mexican spy balloon so when we shot it candy fell out

I just listened to a radio commercial and realized that you cannot say Knott’s Season Pass without saying Nazi

Radiohead, “Fake Plastic Trees”, live on “Late Night with Conan O'Brien” in ‘95. #FlashbackFriday youtu.be/wULkYPze6mk via YouTube

Meet Bayley, the real life version of Snoopy.. 😊 🎥 IG: bayley.sheepadoodle pic.x.com/Z70Q4FAjaB

Mel Blanc, King of the Scream

Twitter needs this.. 😊

If the Dive Bar bathroom your at doesn’t smell like sewer.. are you really at a Dive Bar? 🤨

🍦Maybe my future wife walked by me while I was aggressively licking a quick-melting soft serve cone.. aand that’s why I’m still single 🤔

When you genuinely ask someone where they got something and they respond, “The STORE” 🤡 ..fuck you.

This dog trying prosthetics for the first time

I really need to stop asking people’s names, that way I don’t feel bad when I forget it 😬

Ok dude, you can’t sport “rocker” long hair🤘🏽and be a soft-talker too. The lady CANNOT hear what your ordering.