God can’t see your searches on private browsers.

who in the living hell is dow jones?

shitting your pants is acceptable if you’re at the dollar store

tiki torches on all four bed posts so suitors (and the fire marshal) know i am not to be trifled with

when skinny boys stretch it’s like a free presentation on the human skeletal system

making my own grippy socks by cutting small holes in the bottom so my skin makes it grippy. who needs the psych ward?

i love when a girl from high school finds jesus publicly on instagram. it feels so 2000s of her. like maybe the world will be alright.

i know i have bad taste in men but that’s just the way the coochie crumbles

sperm eyebrows are gonna be a slay by fall 2024

no offense, im really tired of seeing the ad for zendayas threesome

if i call my responsible friend to ask “should I do it?” and they don’t answer, i’m no longer responsible for my actions. i did my due diligence.

im obviously gonna buy the liberal environmental detergent. and boy am I gonna smell like a liberal environmentalist.

So messed up that Kendrick called out Zendaya like that.

if certain current events had gone differently i would’ve hosted a “Pig Out” party where we both have a lavish potluck and appreciate certain current events

*either of two certain current events