my ideal dynamic i love a man who can talk bc then they can take over the conversation when im tired

men used to go to war now they escape confrontation and accountability in order to not apologise

“Sorry for being a bitch” aka my grocery delivery didn’t arrive yet.

Only ~3% of men are over 6 feet tall and make $100k.

I might be 5’3 but let me tell youuuuuuuuu, my attitude is 6’5 and it’s honestly concerning lately.

Girl, you look a mess

every time

ZB is a prime example of when Billie said “You can’t date an ugly man either” omg.

My Father: “Does he golf?” Me: 🤦🏼‍♀️

Hosting Thanksgiving this year

i am at my thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet

The baby boomer generation is so odd to me. My mother and I are currently fighting over having a baby shower for me that doesn’t even exist and she is offended that her friends who I barely know living in NYC would not be invited. Happy Thanksgiving y’all 😂.

from a young age i knew everybody was wrong and i was right

YEP!!

This year I learned that the girlfriend effect I have is real. Next thing you know, we’ll be broken up, you’ll still be wearing all the clothes I dressed you in but now they’re all out of style/need to be donated, and I have learned that they have learned, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

why on earth do you guys have a state named washington and a city named washington and they're on opposite sides of the map. this whole time i thought the white house was in washington state

I feel for Buffalo. #BillsMafia