i saw a bumblebee on my windowsill and looked into it's eyes thinking we shared a moment of spiritual connection then i realised it was dead

HAPPY #StPatricksDay! *throws lucky charms at you*

watching Dan Howell Phil Lester - the amazon man comes. when he walks to my door, dan screams. i've never seen him look so concerned

what's that? you want MORE erotic horse dating videos? okay! let's see how deep this game goes - youtube.com/watch?v=2vxhBd… CHOKE ME HORSEY 🍆🐴

I heard a horse clopping down the street earlier and a small part of me hoped he was trying to find my house to deliver a spring onion

BITCH I GET PAID FRIDAY x.com/danisnotonfire…

This made me feel very loved and also afraid youtube.com/watch?v=WHH2DF… 😧

you know your april fool's joke was a success when your sunday school teacher from 20 years ago messages you on facebook to ask if you're ok

NEW VIDEO!! 5 Things I Regret Buying youtube.com/watch?v=lH6qLk… - Dyeing my hair silver was not the best idea. Retweet for emojis! ✨👌

i'm sat on a public bench and leaned back pressing my head into the ass of a lady stood behind me and neither of us reacted what do i do 🙃

I just forgot the word elbow for about 5 minutes. The best I could come up with was 'arm hinge'

I'm glad I was born in the futuristic microwave popcorn era as I would definitely not have survived in caveman times

Arrived in Singapore on the way to Oz! Someone seems to have accidentally parked a boat on top of the skyscraper behind us?

surprise! you have been visited by the passive-aggressive timeline stingray retweet to love him or he'll sting you in your sleep

Tried to take a nice cocktail photo but the straw looks like I have a horrifying lizard tongue creeping into the drink 👅🍹

i know when i'm older i'll say "young me should have just stopped worrying about everything!" but like ok i guess haha *screams internally*

Help

are dan and phil terrible human beings? this is the video that will tell you! we play WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF.. youtube.com/watch?v=-kLLCm… 🤔

I was told if I ate 7 olives I'd like the taste! Well I just did and it was a massive lie and I want to eat my own tongue to get rid of it

I'm about to eat a cookie bigger than my face so this week is off to a good start