Dear Diary, I don’t know what everyone’s talking about, Hannibal didn’t rub off on me. I’m not lurking. Shut up. #SassyWillDiaries #HeavingInTheDark

Dear Diary, This dramatic bitch. #SaltyBedeliaDiaries #HeavingInTheDark

Dear Diary, Bedelia just doesn’t GET me. She’s no fun when she’s sulking. Ever since I brought up Will all she says is “Enough, Hannibal,” and “I need to sleep,” and “go back to the couch.” #SadHannibalDiares #HeavingInTheDark

Dear Diary, I’ve been packed for 45 minutes, standing out here in the cold while Will strings up the body. He truly is like Hannibal. Such a flair for the dramatic. Maybe I’ll go grab another bottle of wine... #SaltyChiyohDiaries #HeavingInTheDark

Dear Diary, There’s not enough wine to make anything this man has been wearing lately even remotely OK. #SaltyBedeliaDiaries #Hannibal #GnawingSameness

Dear Diary, I was telling Hannibal how jealous I was of his old murder-protégé and he said “be the change you want to see in the world, Will.” I didn’t get it at the time, but I did while hauling a corpse to his house at 2 a.m. #EnlightenedWillDiaries #HannibalInspiration

Dear Diary, I met one of Hannibal’s...friends today. I thought it was odd at first that she was drugging herself, but if Hannibal talks as much about Will as Will does about Hannibal, I can sympathize with her. #SaltyChiyohDiaries #PosturesOfTheDead

Dear Diary, Spent all afternoon trying to get my buzz on, only to be interrupted by a parade of Hannibal’s fucked up past. I mean, if I can’t have some alone time with my wine and intravenous drugs, what do I have left? #SaltyBedeliaDiaries #PosturesOfTheDead

Dear Diary, Hannibal and I talked about our brief life with Abigail today. He could see I was overcome with emotion and said “don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.” I’m never letting him get to third base. #SaltyWillDiaries #HannibalInspiration

Dear Diary, Had dinner with Hannibal for the first time since leaving the BSHCI, and he described the trout I caught as “Nietzsche-ian fish.” He can have fun fucking Alana tonight, because no way was I putting out after that pretentious bullshit. #FrustratedWillDiaries

Dear Diary, Will and I were having such a romantic evening with fan art and murder-talk by the fireplace—then I noticed the light flickering in his hair, illuminating a fledgling mullet. Guess I’ll be fucking Alana tonight; this is not something I can unsee. #SadHannibalDiaries

Dear Diary, It's been so long. Will threw out my diaries and quill in an attempt to "go paperless." He suggested I start a diary on the World Wide Web called a blog, and I almost ate him. But, I found some nice "baking parchment" on sale and am finally back. #MadHannibalDiaries

Dear Diary, I want a greener household and finally convinced Hannibal to start a blog instead of going through so many paper journals. Which is good ... but I wasn't expecting hannibalthecannibal.diaryland.com. With this profile pic, no less. #FrustratedWillDiaries

Dear Diary, Got shitfaced with Jack today. We ice-fished and plotted revenge on my favorite pretentious cannibal. "You hook him, I'll land him," he said. Lucky Hannibal wasn't around; he'd get eaten for the atrocious metaphor alone. Thank god for whiskey. #DrunkWillDiaries

Dear Diary, Almost hooked up with Bedelia tonight. She was into it till I asked her to wear a flannel shirt and a splash of Old Spice. Then everything screeched to a halt. Should've gone home with discount-bin Will. He surely would've obliged. #SexuallyFrustatedHannibalDiaries

Dear Diary, Today was perfection. I fed Will people and we went on a date. We haven't kissed yet, BUT: he killed a man, which is its own level of foreplay. And then, we became fathers. I thought it'd take weeks to get this far but no—just 2 days #blessed #HappyHannibalDiaries

Dear Diary, As our days in Florence drag on, I can't tell what I'm angriest at: Hannibal making me an accomplice to multiple murders or Hannibal's newly atrocious taste in clothing (and the sad fact that I must be seen in public with him). #SaltyBedeliaDiaries

Dear Diary, At long last, Will Graham realized Hannibal is in love with him. Perhaps the FBI should re-evaluate the minimum qualifications for profilers. On the bright side, he'll never figure out that I'm the one who slashed his tires. #SaltyBedeliaDiaries #DoYouAcheForHim

Dear Diary, Will bid me a cruel farewell today, and I have reached the conclusion, once again, that I must eat him. This time, however, it’s because of the wretched fingerprints he left on the glass. I cannot survive these sordid conditions. #SadHannibalDiaries #ACunningBoy

Dear Diary, Today marks 4 years of you as my confidant, an anniversary for fruit and flowers. Alas, Will did not approve of my celebratory table setting—he kept muttering something about a “grief lobster” and I now find myself sleeping on the couch. #PerplexedHannibalDiaries