Not sure why I keep having dreams of me nonstop twerking

Like come on… SHES SO CUTE

Every time I’m done with a workout I look like I wrestled a bear… and lost

This is for those who need to hear this… Clean your lint traps. Ok bye.

Crabs are just sea spiders

Just wanna kick back and have a slice of pizza with Dave Portnoy

I email more than I text people ☠️

😔

TikTok has made me realize I’ve been doing so many things wrong in life.

Someone asked me for noodz and I sent them this:

If you ever see ugly photos of me on my parents Facebook, no you didn’t.

if i saw stuart little driving his little red car in real life i would pick the car up and throw it so far

Kangaroos are deer rabbits on steroids.