Listen, people may accuse me of having no life & dedicating every waking hour of slandering Novak — all because I spent years watching Federer and feel so invested in his success that I can’t “handle” Novak being GOAT. However, Federer won Halle 10x. Check and mate, my kittens.

I, Peter Nez, have had some rough times. Like when my wife got mad at me when I called her "Roger" during sex. Happened a few times. However, seeing Novak win gold has ruined me. My loyal 23 followers on YouTube are all that keep me going. I can't believe he's the GOAT. Help.

Novak winning GOLD is almost as bad as the time I offered extra credit for my students at Cal State to draw myself and Roger Federer naked with the United States flag draped over us and they reported me. They were probably Djokovic fans. #Djokovic #PeterNezSays #myfamilyhatesme