We didn’t listen. We failed him. We failed ourselves

I’m sure we’ve all learned a very valuable lesson today that will ensure none of this happens again.

What many Star Wars fans miss is that Moisture Farming is a euphemism. Luke was the Magic Mike of Tatooine

With a can-do attitude, rich parents, a $30 million dollar investment, and a willingness to take risks with other people’s money you too can be successful at 20!

A billionaire who keeps working is a dangerous psychopath. I don’t know what bigger sign you need.

This tweet broadcast on a 40’ billboard looking over a rain soaked city is the backdrop to any dystopian future sci-fi flick

It's true, lots of clues lol - X.com, Tesla X, SpaceX, X Wife, X Wife, X Wife...

They will call us liars but we need to let our children know that this place was fun for a couple of years at the start. (2009 – 2012)

Hello Sharks, how would you like a website where everyone calls each other a racist dickhole all day? Now what if I told you it would only cost $44 billion?

So Twitter-X will now be an “Everything and the Kitchen Sink” app?

Keeping track of the stock at a camouflage clothing store must be stressful

I’m old enough to remember when Brand X meant the inferior competitor That’s worse than porn. At least porn has marketability

Remarkably, in destroying Twitter he brought us together to do what it does best: dunking on the Main Character

Trying REAL HARD to make the sponsored posts impossible to spot

The bones tally my victories but I pay them no attention. My eyes unfocused on a distant horizon. I sweat from the contest but I feel no exhilaration. I’ve lost all sense of identity. All You Can Eat Ribs loses all meaning when you lose yourself in the game

The internet, ladies & gentlemen

Billionaires are out there putting cold $900 ketchup on $1,200 steaks cooked well-done.

Ever think about how 22 years post-9/11 we still can’t bring 4 ounces of sunscreen and a nail clipper onto a plane, and yet 3 years into an ongoing pandemic we’re able to walk around a cancer treatment center maskless? I sure do.

I’m 45. Is Mr Beast like the Logan brothers or something? Does he twitch-stream corpses from a suicide forest or does he make vaguely racist jokes while playing Fortnight?

This happens every time I use those Dyson Blade urinals at the mall.