Well, the competition was Aizen and Tōsen, so that’s not saying a whole lot, but— Sure, she’s very sweet! She has her moments!

The most dead of all pans just etched itself into her visage. Literally no one would believe that; least of all her. “Mm-hmm. So it’s cool if I go flirt with Zaraki-taichou, right? He was kinda sweaty the other night when he was pretending to be inconspicuous. It suited him.”

If the shoe fits. . . But he’s a cute lesser of three evils! Not that she would tell him that without copious amounts of alcohol in her system.

Like the extremely mature woman that she is, tongue stuck out at her superior before taking a sip from her boba. “You’re no fun, sir. You never let me have any fun.”

Arms crossed stubbornly as she pointed an indignant pout in his direction. “You know the exact reason that it wouldn’t be any fun. Don’t play games with me, sir.”

“You don’t say. . .” Cue a very much exaggerated feigned gasp of surprise. Theatrics are part of her personality. “I, for one, am very shocked. It’s as if all the time he spends with you isn’t for science.”

Patronizing nod of her head, followed with an amused smile. “Yeah? I’m not surprised. He seems the type to like a good cream pie.”

She always wins these things. Don’t take it personally. She will also take that bite of yogurt, thank you. We don’t waste food in this house. “That’s understandable. I’m sure you’re the type to enjoy your meat slowly, sir. It should be savored.”

He’s so cute when he’s embarrassed. You can’t play the player, Mayuri. “What game?” She asked innocently, eyelashes fluttering. “You said he comes over for dessert. I was just responding to what you said, taichou.”

“Sorry. My superpower is making everything weird.” Blink, blink. A quick glance to survey the area. She didn’t see anyone in the vicinity. “Taichou, are you seeing things again?”

͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏⠀⠀⠀ ͏͏͏͏͏͏maybe our world will grow ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏⠀⠀⠀ ͏͏͏͏͏͏kinder eventually. ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏⠀⠀⠀ ͏͏͏͏͏͏isane kotetsu.

Happy birthday to the world’s biggest drama king. May your day be filled with the agonizing screams of your enemies or free sake and food. Whichever suits your mood. Birthday boy gets what he wants. Thanks for existing, gatito! Life wouldn’t be the same without you!!

Alternative universe? Pretty sure this exact conversation happened after your fracción came to the human world.

Anyway, I’m still alive, we’re just staring into the void and getting drunk everyday. Just Matsumoto things.

“I can’t believe I just had to hear this with my own ears. Please smite me, Lisa-san, right now.”

Kotetsu-chan-taichou really said ‘get wrecked, scrub.’ We l*ve to see it.

“Older men age like fine wine so that’s relatable, but not that one. I still have war flashbacks.”

|| YEETS TO THIS ACCOUNT SOLELY TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS VERY FUN USER/ICON BADNWAGON. ily 3000, fam.

|| anyway, sorry for the lack of activity here. my bleach muse has just been yeeted from my brain. if ur ever interested in my particular brand of dumb bitch energy, feel free to interact with my medium oc ( Candelaria Sánchez-Scott Mikaelson ). ok love u, mean it, ya yeet.