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Do not fear. We have a support helicopter hovering 1 metre above you

betting advice: place all your money on every possible outcome

(being interviewed on the news) i just want to argue the facts. 1. you can't do that because i have a shield. 2. there's no such thing as an anti-shield laser

The chessboard is a mental battleground where strategy beats strength. But that isn’t always the case…

Let’s make one thing clear. I didn’t open a bakery in this picturesque little village so I could make friends

It’s hot out there so you decide to go for a dip. As you enter the W on the “entrance to the [W]ater park” sign drops off and it says Slaughter Park

when it comes to any sport. the fundamentals are not important and you should always focus on the flashy stuff

we believe the accident may have destroyed the area of the brain responsible for picturing a monkey clapping cymbals together

Long time no see. Where you living these days? Oh you know (points down an endless corridor illuminated by flickering fluorescent lights)

The shark from jaws was one hell of a fish

(going through your record collection) No way! Fucko the Freakazoid - live at CrazyFest. This is rare as heck!

There should be a CD-ROM that allows you to meet the animals of a digital jungle

(About to be sucked into a jet engine) bend your knees. engage your core. you’ll be fine

live by the cowboy's code. die by the spaceman's laser

if i was the manager of a sports team i wouldn't sign any players because i'm really shy

(Explaining an associate’s less than courteous behaviour) pay him no mind. He probably has a malignant tumour affecting his brain function

being chased through a cornfield by rogue farmyard machinery is projected to become the world’s most popular sport

(Hacking through the jungle with a machete) there’s got to be a small plates eatery around here somewhere…

people associate certain songs with special moments in their lives and to me they always remind me of a time i was listening to music

the truth is i've loved you from the moment i skinchanged into your male best friend's body