Hang on a minute America… Are you the baddies? thetimes.com/article/441863…

Judge your children by the way they talk to Alexa

"Microsoft is committed to improving your Microsoft 365 subscription" begins an email. Then it says I no longer get a free hour of monthly Skype, or Microsoft Publishing at all. I admire the modern corporate brazen, breezy bullshit that dares announce this as an improvement

Forty years ago tonight my mother died. I bury my grief and I bury my rage, and I know she is with me in my every achievement and my every joy.

Is it just me who tips more the worse the service gets? I think I do it in case they saw me looking disappointed and I don’t want them to feel bad about themselves. Or, perhaps more accurately, because I don’t want them to hate me.

Just let out an Ooo! of joy when I saw the council had delivered new recyling sacks. #52yearsold

Went for a seven mile run this morning, which is all well and good, but it does leave you feeling fucked up for the rest of the day

Someone has been painting yellow cocks on the roads of genteel Milford on Sea. Many residents are older, conservative types who abhor rule breaking and frivolity. Thinking about their inevitable outage at this phallic graffiti near breaks my heart. Ps it wasn’t me.

My cat has a mildly irregular heartbeat, so the vet said I should get her a scan. "What kind of scan?" I asked. "Well ..." said the vet.

In house music competitions at school, we’d perform and think we did ok. Then we’d and watch the rest and think ‘oh shit they’re much better.’ So I know how Remember Monday are feeling and empathise #Eurovision2025

Epileptics watching #Eurovision2025 must be getting a bit frustrated. What!!?? Another song with strobes? Alright Terry, I’ll go to the kitchen again. Shout when it’s over.

Have started following five minute exercises on YouTube as part of my attempt to become less fat. During this morning’s five minutes I was told “remember to breathe” seven times. I never associated gym types with genius, but surely this level of instruction is excessive?

Never been more tempted to sign up to Mail Plus. Is the answer scratch it? Is the sufferer interested in finding out why her arse has been so itchy? Daily Mail

Einstein said Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. He obviously never used a computer printer.

On a busy train. On the other side of the carriage, 6 out of 8 of the double seats are occupied by one person, with their bag(s) on the other seat. Nobody standing, but people have walked through, looking wistfully at bag-filled seats. Are the double-seaters

In London for the first time in a while. My god, it’s refreshing to be in a city where people know which side of the escalator to stand on.

This isn't how I envisioned my golden years. After battling cancer again and facing heart issues, I need help to cover overwhelming bills. Every little bit counts. Please share! gofund.me/cd35b7054