Anthony Bourdain as a chimpanzee: life is short, Give orange give me eat orange me eat orange give me eat orange give me you

When i put on thin lizzy i feel like i can do anything

thinking about this tweet again

Ozzy AND Hulk Hogan, this is 9/11 if you grew up in a town with one Dairy Queen

You can combine emojis on Gboard and a lot of communication is entirely turtle based

parents went to myrtle beach for 4 days and have said way more about the Buccee's they stopped at on the way home than they have anything else.

Oh yeah well when I was a lad I ate 4 dozen eggs every morning to help me get large. And now that I’m grown I eat 5 dozen eggs, so I’m roughly the size of a barge.

I must not kill myself. Killing myself is the myself killer.

that baby could’ve been playing tony hawks pro skater 2 and listening to killswitch engage but now it has to play fortnite and listen to carti

I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life

Type of fog that makes you shoot your entire family in a 1968 Toyota Land Cruiser seconds before military rescue

They’re dividing me by 3 tomorrow

I went back to nights

I'm at work Does anyone feel bad for me

this is not a montage of a man becoming a better person