Every 3 months a tank top comes along that saves my life

whenever I scooch my office chair to get to something instead of using my legs, I feel just like the people from Wall-E

All I do is listen to the heated rivalry soundtrack and audiobooks and replay heated rivalry to lull me to sleep. It's sick and twisted

If I could v*pe in my cubicle I'd be unstoppable

my emotional support animal senses me being inches away from a psychotic break and responds by pissing in the bed. believe it or not his skill is all innate

If I ever post "slams laptop shut until Monday" to my story, just know I'm being held hostage

some mfs just grandfathered in to the close friends story at this point

I'd find you in any lifetime (threat)

women wearing hey dudes? that doesn't sit right with my spirit, not one bit

Going to the gym in my hometown means being paired up with a girl I walked the mile with. Kinda special kinda sad

Men do be good at parking I’ll give them that

Heading to my car during the workday to sit and unfocus my eyes for a bit

I am SICK of these shows comin out every week. Give me ALL OF THEM

Steering wheels should be split down the middle so one side of the horn is a friendly tone and the other side is hostile

Brought a salad to work for lunch today 😭😭😭 why do I punish myself like this

What hanging with the girls this summer is going to feel like

pretty genuinely perturbed that you can have adult friendships without knowing what their handwriting looks like

it feels like being hot is against the dress code at work

I put the new Netflix mafia documentary on - I'm not watching it, their accents just make me feel relaxed

If I ever put sum shit like "joyful warrior" in my bio PLEASE put me in an involuntary psychiatric hold