Got this text today and I am terrified

#NationalDoughnutDay

Being a responsible adult means maintaining a perfect 1:1 ratio of crackers in the pantry to dips in the fridge at all times

Eating a baby arugula salad is like “come here my little leaves, you’re safe now”

Vecna, where the hell have you been loca??

Trea Turner every chance he can get

Once you discover the world of burrata you have no choice but to absolutely lose your mind anytime you see it on a menu

What are they meeting about

Baseball injury/rehab updates are like: This morning he put on his baseball pants and tucked in his shirt (no belt). This is great progress for the veteran southpaw, who may now be able to rejoin the team in 3 to 8 weeks

My love language is calling my wife in from another room to watch the “what about second breakfast” scene in Fellowship of the Ring

Worried about the extra spicy flu? Don’t worry CVS has you covered:

Absolute legend smoking a cig while cutting down a tree outside my house.. in the middle of the apocalypse. Oxygen? Air quality? Who needs it 😎