Wayne Rooney: the Jimmy Carr of football. Gets millions every year and only gives 1% for his country.

Ashleep Young.

Is the 70 sheep in the opening ceremony some sort of thank you for allowing the Welsh players into GB's football team?

I imagine there are many men who would love to vandalise Jessica Ennis's postbox.

Chelsea have signed Moses, so now they should Come Forth. (c/o @jamesecook)

Stewart Downing there, putting the ass into assist.

Those of you who think Manchester's Arndale centre is 'tacky', soak up this commissioned artwork and think again.

Off to determine the positions in my insect football team. BRB.

We're guessing Hazard was sent off because the ball boy was still moving when he took the kick.

'Are you Blackburn Rovers' quiz! Q: Have you had more managers this season than away wins? A: Yes? Congrats! You're #BRFC! Have a nugget.

The final nail in Thatcher's coffin was being told she wasn't right wing enough to manage Sunderland.

Dear Spain. No you can't have your football back, or have any more Euros. Love & kisses, Germany.

NEWS: Wayne Rooney 'not for sale'. In other news, Wayne Rooney is not for sale and rumours suggesting tomorrow Wayne Rooney is not for sale.

Best thing Lambert's done since Highlander.

Paolo Di Can'tio

Can't wait for the real #WorldCupDraw where punters find if their stadium seat has a valid safety certificate

I don't think Man Utd could even beat Paralympiakos.

The inside of England shirts are lined with a special serum that makes it impossible to recreate your club form #fact #EngvDen

Not sure that yellow card will hang around Akinfenwa's neck what with him not having one. #afcwimbledonvsliverpool

Vardy will miss the #ENGvAUS game to get married, therefore giving him a chance to practice playing in the hole below the two up front.