Could have retired talk shows after this moment, never got any better than this

In 1960, the USSR accused the U.S. of running an aerial spying program over its territory. Our government denied it to the American people, only admitting it when confronted with the captured U-2 pilot Gary Powers. Americans were genuinely shocked that their government would lie

The reality of what's unfolded in Dinkytown the last few nights is leaving many U of M students and parents concerned. kare11.com/article/news/l…

If I get to 20,000 followers I will give away some signed memorabilia. Got some jerseys, footballs, prints, figurines and more here! Just follow me and retweet this it the other one. Will pick names after!

In honor of another Forbes 30 under 30 recipient being indicted for fraud, here's a thread of our favorite past recipients of this prestigious award:

OceanGate Offers 20% Off Coupon For Next Tour buff.ly/46cNrHU

The same bike tries to run me down every day. It's a vicious cycle.

why hasn't bioengineering given us bigger rice? why must I be subject to eating a hundred, a thousand, small pieces of food when I could be biting into one big piece of rice like some kind of whole chicken?

because there seems to be interest lately, an old essay about my 15 years of prescription and the fallout: IDENTITY UNDER ADDERALL I took psychoactive drugs, mostly prescription amphetamines, from about the time I came into memory, age 8, to the point of near-total mental and

BREAKING: Subway is now offering free sandwiches for life to someone who is willing to legally change their first name to “Subway” The contest will choose a random winner, who will then be given $750 to go through with the name change and cover legal fees.

Double Stuf Oreos are not as good as regular Stuf Oreos. NABISCO

New National Security Act should include a “NO FIRST USE” declaration on nuclear weapons. Beijing has it. I am sure Moscow would join us. As President I will invite all nuclear armed powers to agree to a NO FIRST USE policy. #Kennedy24

A middle weight MMA reality show “beat Bobby flay” where the first round is lasagna and the second is Bobby’s choice of karate or jujitsu

Iceland has a population smaller than Tampa yet we let them sit there at the UN all smug. Always bragging about how they have cured their society of like IBS and it turns out the one guy who had it just moved away.

I don’t think it’s winning football, but watching Mullens throw the ball downfield is exciting football. I’d rather see them win but Nick’s style is a fun way to lose.

I once read about an 800 year old church in Norway that was built entirely of wood without using a single nail and it was celebrated as a masterpiece of ingenuity and craftsmanship, but you make one Boeing 737 Max that way and everyone loses their shit

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: I'm just saying, it's a very misleading flyer BODY BUILDING COMPETITION JUDGE: again, we can only apologise

Let’s move Presidents’ Day to the day after the Super Bowl. Permanently. Who says no?

Some people are like ‘Tried calling, but your voicemail isn’t set up.’ Yes, and neither is my Pony Express account. Wtf is wrong with you people? Text me. Just text. No need for bizarre arcane rituals from pre-history.

Apparently like some kind of weird cicada, every 45 years Indiana State gets some goofy looking mf with magical basketball powers