Gordon Heliotrope (@gordohelio) 's Twitter Profile
Gordon Heliotrope

@gordohelio

Stardust in the form of a Quadruped 🐾🐾
The best Tweets and Retweets

ID: 624909917

calendar_today02-07-2012 18:56:21

16,16K Tweet

15,15K Followers

10,10K Following

Ron Iver (@ronnui_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Women get to smell like real things (vanilla, lavender) but men have to smell like concepts. What the fuck is "cool sport rush"

Brooks Otterlake (@i_zzzzzz) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I used to hate waiters until I realized they’re not just being nosy. They need to know what I want to eat so they can relay it to the kitchen staff

tendollar (@tendollardanny) 's Twitter Profile Photo

bro, you’re fine. you just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine

hope hopes hoping (@hopes_revenge) 's Twitter Profile Photo

gf says because we got chinese yesterday we can’t get it again today. i don’t think that makes sense . they do it in china all the time

Jesse Case (@jessecase) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don't need that kind of ego in the house.

chuuch (@ch000ch) 's Twitter Profile Photo

hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it's over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it

GoaT FacE (@endhoos) 's Twitter Profile Photo

*Wife blows me a kiss from across the room* *I pretend to catch it* *I walk over to the window and toss it outside* "Grow up Karen"

Josh (@iwearaonesie) 's Twitter Profile Photo

wife: Why is your back all scratched up? [flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone] me: I'm having an affair

Ben White (@economyben) 's Twitter Profile Photo

One of life's most important skills is writing a nasty, angry email, letting it sit for a minute, then deleting it and moving on.