1931 - Noted equestrian and spacefaring ladies’ man William Shatner born. Many attribute his lifelong success to mad Esperanto skills and ability to rock gold velour, but recent papers hint at a secret advantage from his youth – potato pancakes. #startrek #beammeup #spacepotatoes

2020 - Bringing us one step closer to the singularity, YouTuber Equalo runs DOOM on a TI-84 Plus fueled by #potatopower. High on detergent fumes and cultured potato mold, Equalo issues a warning to discourage any replication of his dark experimentations.youtube.com/watch?v=KFDlVg…

1999 - #Spongebob Squarepants ep 5b, Home Sweet Pineapple, airs. Featuring Spongebob’s parents, ostensibly based on sea sponges, biologists note Harold and Margaret Squarepants’s potato-like qualities, including a lumpy, spotty appearance and generally good-natured disposition.

2007 - #TheOffice (US) shows Creed eating a #potato like an apple, thereby implying that #potatoes are “as good as apples.” A laughable concept, considering that despite decades of top-level scientific research no one has successfully made curly fries with apples.

2008 - The International Year of the Potato. Commemorated in several countries with potato postage stamps, and commemorated in #America by everyone eating lots of fries and chips (few Americans realized it was #potato year – but they gladly ate fries and chips anyway). #potatoes

2020 - youTuber Dr. Victor George takes internet by storm by combining his vast medical knowledge and sick Romanian accent to break down the nutritional ramifications of an all-#potato diet – along with the potato-based super powers you’re likely to gain. youtube.com/watch?v=in1PAw…

1987 - Al Yankovic rings in the year performing “Addicted to Spuds” on MTV, cementing the song’s legacy as a secret anthem amongst cabals of potato-loving youths who will grow up, go to ivy league schools, and occupy the halls of industry and government. youtube.com/watch?v=eVCaT6…

1695 - William Salmon, noted doctor and “King of Quacks” according to peer physicians, writes that #potatoes “nourish the whole body, restore in consumptions, and provoke #lust.” He then claims that #spuds counter impotency in men, thus making potatoes nature’s own blue pill.

1839 - Henry Spalding, who by all accounts was every bit as jolly as his picture implies, introduces Christianity, the printing press and potatoes to what is today known as #Idaho.

2007 - Blending the best of sleek, space age design with unsettling, rustic lumpiness, #Croatia unveils the appropriately named Spomenik Krumpiru, aka Monument of the Potato. Finally, a potato monument on which George Jetson and Fred Flintstone can both enjoy.

2021 - After far too many months of chaos and confusion, sanity finally returns to the nation as cooler heads prevail and hope returns. That’s right, potatoes are coming back to Taco Bell. eatthis.com/news-taco-bell…

1943 - The crew of Japanese submarine Ro-34 is unable to reach their deck guns due to a relentless barrage of grenades hurled by the nearby USS O’Bannon. However, the O’Bannon had no grenades – what they were actually throwing was a stockpile of heroic potatoes.

2021 - The true plots of our underground overlords are revealed in the tell-all book Godsquatter, which follows 3 fast-food workers & a grandmother as they unearth the greatest conspiracy of all time. Find it on Amazon: amzn.to/3ooaWqr #potatopower #potatoes #potato

1500s - In its quest for global domination, the #potato migrates from the Incan empire to #Europe. By resisting frost, fighting #scurvy and making far better #Frenchfries than do beets, #potatoes quickly overshadow pewter dishware and codpieces alike in the hearts of Europeans.

1998 - In a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it line in #Bongwater, Jack Black confesses his undying love for a baked #potato, leaving one to wonder how this particular potato weaseled its way into Jack’s cold heart, and was it all some elaborate #catfishing scheme? youtube.com/watch?v=xtbYOj…

2021 - Godsquatter gains its 42nd Twitter follower in Maxym Reva :) If you love #potatoes, and you know the significance of #42, then you'll feel right at home here. And if you don't get the 42 thing, that's ok, we still have potatoes.

1976 - #Shortselling, #marketmanipulation, #billionaires screwing everyone? No, it's not the #Reddit #Gamestop fiasco, it's the Maine #Potato War, which devastated markets and forced investors to focus on far less corruptible (wink wink) oil and petroleum. newenglandhistoricalsociety.com/the-great-main…

2021 - Hasbro announces that #MrPotatoHead will be going gender neutral, much akin to real #potatoes. Also #turnips. apnews.com/article/mr-pot…

2020 - While the world was distracted by #COVID #murderhornets #bushfires #riots #elections #KobeBryant #Brexit #Cats and #toiletpaper, everyone missed the REAL news as a French kitchen became ground zero for the #invasion. the-sun.com/news/1083929/t…

2020 - BuzzFeed, purveyor of personality evaluation tools like Monica vs Rachel and Which #savedbythebell character are you, leaves professional psychologists sobbing in its wake as it achieves peak scientific perfection: What Kind of Potato Are You? buzzfeed.com/gracegrace24/w…