No offense but meeting a woman that cares about me would actually suck

Really considering making my profile pic an old white guy but tweeting in African-American Vernacular for the clout

Me in the back of class after getting a 27 on the first test

I just don’t care anymore. Gonna go pee my pants or something

Grandpa: “what do you wanna massage today buddy.” Me:

The kid wouldn’t be safe either x.com/RitsonLFC/stat…

Officer, are you gonna believe me or some stands of DNA at the scene of the murder 🤝

Mom said, “Josh who shit on the floor?” I said “call me John...cause I ain’t Cena thing😳✊🏾💯”

His phone: My World ❤️💍😍🥰 Her phone: (718)-246-6482

Just took a practice test for Philosophy and genuinely got all 40 questions wrong. Super excited for the test tomorrow!!!!!

Commented “beautiful 😍” on my girls IG and she deleted the whole post. Haha god she’s so great

Outside my dorm I’ve been hearing “Renegade renegade renegade” for the past 30 minutes. My hall is all dudes. There are a group of dudes doing the renegade dance outside my dorm. Am I living in a simulation? Is this real? If so please end it all

Friend asked for a broom, I said “of course mate no worries.” And felt warm in my heart. Just saw he used it for a TikTok. Snapped the broom and burned it. My broom will not be a TikTok thot

Just saw a girl holding 4 textbooks, her laptop, and a water bottle all while balancing a cup of coffee on her books. I saw her stop in front of a door so I was gonna run and help her but before I could she PULLED a door open with her FOOT. I’ve been a feminist since.

Valentines Day 2020 about to be a movie

Long car ride got me thinking how badly I need a bisexual woman who hasn’t shaved her pits in years (social conformity doesn’t scare her) who wants to sing Katy Perry 🤝

😂very😂quirky😂and😂funny😂. People who find this funny deserve lethal injection no questions asked

So much pain. Not worth it.

Phew...

Man why am I seeing “RIP Grammie” on someone’s tinder bio? Yeah I’m sorry for your loss now can we talk business 🤝