Shouting “I liked her better before!” during a screening of The Substance to score a MILF at the AMC

Megalopolis. They’re calling it megalopolis. Caesar Catalina, he’s a wonderful man. Isn’t he wonderful folks? He wants to build a city of megalon. Crooked Cicero doesn’t want it. He says megalopolis is a sham

Shiiiiiit even bezos knows I’m making waves #hustlementality

Thinking of becoming a waymo driver

Seasonal affective disorder is a bummer and all that, but it’s so sick that the acronym worked out that way

Just merge mogged a waymo, the robot revolution has been put on hold

Drunk off three ciders and just said “holy shit” out loud at the new Jurassic world trailer

At the bodega asking them for a cheese “me style”, they gave it to me chopped…

Ordered a salad at a restaurant “me style”, they gave it to me chopped…

Asked my friends to put on a cooking show that reminded them of me, they put on chopped…

(To the tune of party 4 u): I only use this potty to poo Only use this potty to poo And peepee too

I love this image so much I legitimately put it on a shirt, and I’ve never noticed that little mark on the i.

I have been listening to Steve O’s beautiful sister Claire O

My eyes like Gary Larson the way they’re far-sided

Me interrogating my friends after every party making sure they didn’t try weed:

JD is weekend at Bernie’s-ing the shit outta him and you can’t tell me otherwise

God forbid a cracker get some cheese