Our downstairs neighbour has just gotten a sound system with a really powerful subwoofer and that's nice cos now I get a sweet foot massage whenever I stand on the floor

After billions of years of evolution, the first human was born. Today a mosquito flew past my ear and so I punched myself in the head out of instinct. THANKS FOR NOTHING EVOLUTION YOU NO GOOD PIECE OF

When you're having a shower and someone turns on a hot tap elsewhere in the house

One of my biggest fears is that I'm gonna sarcastically reply to what I think is a bot, but then it turns out to be a real person and I'll feel bad

Brexit negotiations in a nutshell: "What do you want?" "No"

My friends: "Wow I haven't seen a self promoting social media post all day, this is great" Me:

Me: "Hey everyone preorder my song" Everyone: *actually preorders my song* Me:

Low-effort comments beget low-effort replies

Become more like Geoff Ong in 3 easy steps: Step 1: have itchy forehead Step 2: decide to scratch your itchy forehead Step 3: use your thumbnail to poke yourself in the eye instead

THANK YOU RNZ Music for premiering the music video for All The Hours u r my favs ❤️❤️❤️

i had a chat with my wonderful pal Ciaran McMeeken on his podcast the other day! it's a relaxed, rambling and exploratory interview, perfect to listen to while folding your laundry or driving your car. open.spotify.com/episode/7pbuZY…

This Sunday 1pm I'm playing at Movespace Xmas Festival! 🎄🎅☃️ Swipe 4 set times - loads of other gr9 artists on the bill

Last night I dreamt about the effortless fluidity with which spiders move their legs using a hydraulic pressure system can someone please tell me what this means

woah woah WOAH it's me in the nzherald! this sunday 2pm at auckland domain, drop by if you fancy

If you’re not feeling okay please talk to someone. Check on your friends and whānau. Free call or text 1737 any time. Lifeline – 0800 543 354 Suicide Crisis – 0508 828 865 Healthline – 0800 611 116 OUTLine NZ – 0800 688 5463 Youthline – Free call 0800 376 633 Love you’s!

Ty NicNak Media ❤️

One of life's great pleasures is an exceptionally cold drink after an exceptionally strong mint