Poor old man…so brain-addled, he can’t even put on his shoes correctly anymore. I mean, not just a mismatched pair; he’s got a right shoe on his left foot and vice versa. #YouHateToSeeIt instagram.com/p/Cnvp32yOQw1/…

Truth. instagram.com/p/CnxIdHdv_r1/…

Just posted a photo instagram.com/p/CnxNae_vPA3/…

Television is one of the many bands John Singer turned me onto, back in Record Factory days circa 1985…I knew I was a goner after hearing the awesome lyric “I fell right into the arms of Venus de Milo” #RIPTomVerlaine instagram.com/p/Cn-eoK4vxEV/…

I’d expect this kind of conduct from that hippie Woodsy Owl…but YOU, Slim Goodbody? So disappointing… instagram.com/p/CoEFn-0r4e-/…

Raise a glass to the GOAT! #LookofLove #WalkOnBy #LittleRedBook #DYKtW2SJ #ArthursTheme instagram.com/p/Coc1gK_JdoU/…

FAKE FUN FACT: the name ‘UPS’ does not stand for ‘United Parcel Service”… it’s actually an alternate spelling of the word “Oops” instagram.com/p/Co7hPX4JjTX/…

Steely Dan fans may be mildly amused to know I recently had to change insurance plans, and my new dentist is named Dr. Wu…I just hope he’s as good as my last dentist, Dr. Rikki Dontlosethatnumber, DDS instagram.com/p/Co8intjJj6D/…

“Bad news, dude…Sir Oinksworthy ate your entire stash!” ~from the new Cocaine Bear-inspired film POT-BELLIED PIG…opens everywhere 4/20!! instagram.com/p/CpGfkv3PFSM/…

No one understands me the way you do, 4-lb Bag of Dog Food instagram.com/p/Cpf87KQvDDK/…

Sure it’s been done before, but this is a very well executed version. Bravo, GloryBee honey company shipping department! instagram.com/p/CpijG2Iv8sc/…

Just posted a photo instagram.com/p/CplJfZXvdLq/…

Someone needs to break it to Not-Aging-Gracefully Smurf that there’s such a thing as too much plastic surgery instagram.com/p/CpoCaSKPHj1/…

Just posted a photo instagram.com/p/Cp2-Yxzp-UN/…

Celebrate yourself! Whether your passion is cooking or dancing or van theft or knitting, be your own biggest fan! instagram.com/p/CqBxnu6yfpa/…

Just posted a photo instagram.com/p/CqQrhwBJ43r/…

Oh I saw LOTS of them boning, in this movie called “Her Ass Thicc Park” instagram.com/p/CqY4ngAPcwJ/…

REPUBLICANS be like: public restrooms aren’t a place for woke moms to breastfeed their mixed race trans brats…they’re a safe space for persecuted whites to have wholesome, tense armed stand-offs with our REAL American babies. Like it says in the Bible. Look it up!

Category: #JeopardyMasters For $100 (super easy one) ANSWER: Mattea Roach QUESTION: Who is the cutest thing alive? OMG I’m so crushed out on her I can almost not bare to look at the screen when she’s on—my heart can’t take it! Get that money, girl!!

“Hi, ASL Translator Service? We’re doing the press conference on the Maine gunman’s suicide…send over your smirkiest interpreter! One who looks like Richard Belzer’s sarcastic younger sister!) (Watch the video to see how you say “self-inflected gunshot wound” in ASL”)