I've heard stories about this Fred Rwigyema guy. I think I need to read more about him, as everyone considers him the greatest military strategist to ever come from this side of Africa.

Someone Give Gachagua the mic.

Good morning, Manchester United. Newspapers here in Kenya are using reggae music to remind you that some of us have not eaten since you last won a match. If you wanted us to die of anorexia nervosa, why hide behind football?

You guys should read that report in today's Standard. Despite a national enrolment rate of 91%, Nairobi County still lags behind at 89% with more girls than boys enrolling in school. If you have a boy in your house, please take time to read it. It will change your life.

Si hapa huyu jamaa amekuja sana?

Can't wait to see the results of today's survey.

SCENES THAT PRECEDE UNFORTUNATE EVENTS.

I found this advert in today's Nation. If you know anyone who's interested, share with them unconditionally and without prejudice. They will thank you when they get to Paradiso.

Hapo kwa male students breaking up with their lovers, si huyu jamaa amekuja sana?

FUN FACT: Edward Kwach is named after Sir Edward Carey Francis, the British mathematician and Anglican Missionary, who became a headmaster at Maseno School before leaving to establish Alliance High School. Source: Ni mimi nawashow.

There's a KUPPET official speaking on Ramogi TV straight from his bunker in Kisumu. He's spitting fire and warning that they can go back to the streets anytime without warning. Amejam yake yote.

There's another KUPPET official from Homa Bay on Ramogi TV who has gone to the studio with a whistle wearing a yellow hoodie written Yogo Yogo. He's laying down the facts with the algebraic precision of a boiler operator. Yeye pia amejam yake yote.

Those Homa Bay KUPPET officials have closed the Ramogi TV prime time program Trevor had nothing useful to add. Now that I still have two more hours to burn, let me rewatch The Penguins of Madagascar getting incinerated by Dave The Octopus.

They're currently discussing health seeking behaviour among Kenyan women in relation to breast cancer in Kenya on Ramogi TV. This is the kind of thing we used to chew in our medical anthropology class. You learn a new thing every day.

The Star have published the results of yesterday's poll.

You have until Monday 9th Sept, to present views on the Assembly and Demonstration Bill 2024, sponsored by Mbeere North MP Geoffrey Ruku, and which, among other things, seeks to have organizers of protests disclose their home addresses to the police. This is the word of the Lord.

Morara Kebaso calls off his Mt Kenya inspection tour of Gov't projects. Riggy G alisema we can do anything lakini tusiguze morima. Praise the Lord, church.

That guy in today's Standard who went to court seeking divorce from his wife of 22yrs who ran away with three kids to the US. Court told him that he should go back home and drink his premium tears as there was no proof of marriage there. Of this world, gathering has defeated.

Over there in Mt Kenya, things are boiling nicely just like the doctor ordered, and we will be there no matter what.

Hapo NATION today, Mutuma Mathiu ameamua kung'oa beacons zote akaweka kwa mabega.