"Mom.. Can I.." "GO ASK YOUR DAD." "Dad, can I.." GO ASK YOUR MOM.

"Do you honestly expect me to believe we could ever be the same?" - Taylor Swift

"I used to think that I was better alone." - One Direction

Waking up and reading twitter like it's the morning paper

When someone tells you to, "expect the unexpected", slap them in the face and ask them if they expected it..

I was drunk when I had my picture taken for my drivers license. That way, when the police pulls me over, I don't have to worry.

School dress codes are stupid. If my parents approve of my outfit, then there shouldn't be a problem

Relationships end too soon because people stop putting the same effort to keep you as they did to win you.

My week: Monday Monday #2 Monday #3 Monday #4 Friday Saturday Pre-Monday

After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is.

"I'm almost there" = I haven't even left the house yet..

That awkward moment when you fail at being mad at someone because they make you laugh.

I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts making explosive noises so I check and it's cold like why you gotta play me like that.

'K' is the worst, most annoying, most irritating, aggravating response ever.

Pretty cool how I lock my phone like I won't check it in a minute.

Retweet if you were born on your birthday.

Leaving your window open for an hour in summer and then the cast from fucking Bugs Life decide to start producing their second film

When you stretch and your inner porn star moan comes out by accident.

me: *in a coma* mom: it's because you're always on that damn phone

RT if you wanna travel the world..