People should be getting $2,000 a month and it should be retroactive to March because this crisis is not over.

Trains don't use highway exits.

does america know our “radical left” is everywhere else’s “reasonable middle”

Earlier today, Chuck Grassley’s staff said he would not take a COVID-19 test himself despite being at a committee meeting with Sen. Mike Lee, who tested positive today

So does half your political party, Ace.

Should have used “Atlantic City”

If you ever feel like you’re not doing enough, Vin Diesel didn’t release his first song until he was 53

CJ Beathard and George Kittle look like brothers that would be drunkenly fighting each other in an episode of Cops.

Make Democracy Fun Again. #FleetwoodMac #VOTE #Iowa

“Susan!”

Rough day for Pence. His first mention in Deadline and they pull it. Keep creating.

“I’m back because I’m a perfect physical specimen and I’m extremely young” - me at my college bar

It keeps me up at night honestly

How it started: How it’s going:

I don’t think I’ll ever get over the fact that we had someone running for President that was like “we need healthcare for all and a living wage and affordable drug prescriptions and to combat climate change” and die hard liberals were like “um this is sexist”

“I feel like Christian Bale in The Machinist” -me, three days into having a puppy

I wish TD Ameritrade had a portfolio option where I invest in whatever Dolly Parton is donating to

Tom Nook must be stopped

They hedge fund guy shorted these stocks now we can’t buy them ppl start selling out of fear... we lose money they make money on the short... THIS IS A FUCKING CRIME!!!

All my bits end with “I’m sorry. I love you. I’ll stop”