Hey man, i just wanted to let you know that we all appreciate you playing music from your phone out loud for us so the whole gym can hear it. I really wanted to listen to Lil Tecca and Gunna in the background of my workout

Imagine being in your 30’s and vaping still. Sack up and throw in a chew instead man. Embarrassing.

The Buffalo Bills are the Edmonton Oilers of the NFL

Dad why are you always watching Heated Rivalry when mom is at spin class?

Dartlandia population: Friedge

A friendly reminder that you should never say “my tummy hurts” if you’re a dude in your early/mid twenties

Having the time of my life again at Texas Roadhouse

The NHL trade deadline is the Super Bowl for Elliotte Friedman

Elliotte Friedman working all day for the NHL Trade Deadline is so blue collar. It’s like those guys on the oil rigs that work 70+ hours a week and it’s not up for discussion.

Gonna start telling people my dad’s a bigfoot hunter

When the bouncer is skeptic of my sobriety at the bar, I think i’m gonna start to bring out the one-knee pose like Tiger. It also just looks super cool #couldbethemove #iwasjusttalkingtothepresident

Dudes put on a pair of glasses and then start saying things like “I can concur”

Oh that’s your girl? Then why is she adjusting the volume to my white-noise machine?

Oh that’s your girl? Then why does she have my toes in her mouth?

Do homeless people know what day of the week it is?

I can’t tonight babe. I’m watching WrestleMania

Yeah buddy, let’s just say I didn’t have to wear my Hoka’s for the cardio session I had with ur girl. And it was on a flat 0.0 incline too, if you catch my drift

Busch got white boys in the midwest lining up for bush apple cases like its a supreme drop

That level of drunk when you believe that every instagram/snap story pertains to your reply