Cleaning a litter box is kinda like panning for gold, except you really don't want to find anything

"Are you looking for a career where the variable portion of your pay is dependent on people who struggle with email and calendar software to sell complex enterprise software? If so, sales engineering might be right for you."

What percentage of the time are you able to visit a customer/prospect and project a PowerPoint, in presentation mode, with no issues?

AWS Summit: the only place where people wanna talk to a fat guy in a shirt that says "Snowflake" on it.

"Press 1 to join the meeting." Does anybody not want to join the meeting that they just dialed into? What are my other options? Will pressing 2 get me elevator music?

You can take the quiz but I've eaten avocado toast while working at Snowflake. Off the charts!

This is why we have a 25 percent jobless rate and sky-high productivity growth.

Uber: We generate billions of human connections through technology Me: Fabulous. How about a car at 4:45am? Uber: Umm, maybe? [2 days later, 4:44am] Uber: we found a car 21 mins away! #uberfail

I've gone through security at terminal C at EWR twice recently, once at 5:45 am on a Friday and once at 5:45 pm on a Monday. Both times the TSA Pre line was shorter/faster than the CLEAR line.

Pundits cooked up the “Trump Rally” to justify a run they never expected and couldn’t fathom. usat.ly/2AATZR3 via USA TODAY Money

Sports Illustrated called and said I was probably going to be Sportsman of the Year, but it was going to take a long photo shoot and interview. I’m not proud of my recent perm and have a interpretive dance class at the interview time so I turned it down! No Thanks SI!!

Al Roker Stares Crestfallen At Matt Lauer Tattoo On Own Torso trib.al/IrjaZVl

Really hope Santa brings me a Magic Quadrant this year

You know you've been in IT too long when your toddler comes out of the bedroom wearing penguin pajamas and your first thought is "who bought Linux-themed pajamas?"

This is a stable genius.

Me when I'm WFH and a webex starts in 2 minutes: "I think I've got enough time for a shower, maybe take the trash out too"

When are we expecting fiat currencies to collapse again?

Feels about halfway through the emotional process. 3,4 and 5 can happen sort of fast...

Whoever says: —“A gun didn’t do this; a sick person did.” —“Thoughts and prayers to all the families.” —“Now is not the time to discuss gun control.” Get lost. Get off my feed. You are not part of the America we need to strive for.