Today I was asked how long it’s been since I’ve dated a woman without a nose ring. I realized that was two presidents and three Ashley’s ago…

When did I become the cranky old man that values his integrity over people? Oh, that’s right! When I learned people are terrible.

Learn from your dogs, gentlemen. Wolves are kept in parks and zoos while dogs are everywhere. All because an ancestor of the dog decided to chill out and make friends. So adapt or die you fucking cretins.

How to lose my respect as a comic in one sentence: “Sound guy, play it loud because I dance my way on stage”

I’ve got to stop following some of my sex-negative friends on social media. Every day I might as well ask myself “what intimate memory do I want to be ashamed of today?”

You’d think after 37 years I’d be used to being an odd dude. But here I am. Trying to support a weird/unpopular opinion and feeling self-conscience about it.

It was a rough week and that was one mean ass head cold. But my streak of negative STI screenings and negative COVID tests continues!

A PSA for some older male comics: We don’t owe you anything for your recycled jokes from 1997. Respect the light, respect the younger guys, and come correct or stop complaining.

My girlfriend was born in 1993, I was born in 1985. Recently I found out this is the perfect gap for us to have some very different opinions. About Avril Lavigne

YUP.

It’s gotten so bad at Everton that my Dad is actively recruiting me to become an Arsenal fan. After today, I’m considering it. #SackTheBoard #AllTogetherNow

When white women tell me I’m awful and abuse me, it’s a turn on. When Latinas tell me I’m awful and abuse me, it’s triggering. Thanks, Mom

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Fun Fact: Anyone who posted “Toby Keith, RIP King” today has shared some very strong opinions on Critical Race Theory with a Wal-Mart greeter.

Woke up at 6:45 a.m. on a Saturday to watch Everton blow a two goal lead in the last 10 minutes of the match. Why do I feel like that’s a metaphor for my life right now?

I spent the better part of yesterday wondering what the next 4 years would look like for me as a brown man in America Then I remembered that my name is Trevor and I’ve spent the last 30 years perfecting a vibe that says “not a threat” I’m good. #electionaftermath #jokes