Boss: “If I get Cody and the boys these, they can deliver me 15 Freshly Cracked Egg Sammiches at a time!”

Boss: “Oh, ok! One more autograph on…. Wait…. what’s this thing? Oh…. Cool! Need any labels for it? I know a guy!”

#BREAKING: Boss announcing that Tim’s will now be the sole catering provider at QP and QPN indefinitely. It will be encoded with the Greenbelt legislation…. Because that makes sense! cp24.com/news/ford-to-m…

Uh oh….

Oh, this ain’t gonna make Boss happy!!! Unhappy about Ontario's carbon tax? Thank Doug Ford thestar.com/politics/unhap…

#BREAKING: Folks, we know you want a dr, an open ER, or maybe something to do with this new “science” idea, but we got something better! Grab a Vizzy at the 7-11, add it to a slurpee, and go for a 110kmph drive down the highway! All the things you never asked for in one place!

#BREAKING: Boss is now in the process of making Kyky cookies an official Ontario currency. One kyky cookie will purchase you 1 sq ft of greenbelt, 1/4 parking spot in a submerged parking garage, or a whiteclaw or beer at 7-11.

How did this guy get Boss’ early election platform!?!? Have I been hacked!?

#BREAKING: Boss is currently looking for someone to fill the role of “Minister of Internet Kindness Monitoring and Promotion of Hot Dogs”. This position will pay $185k/yr and you will also have 2 Associate Ministers plus a 100ac Greenbelt space as a signing bonus.

Gotta watch out for those digital user manuals. They can be dangerous to children.

BREAKING: In an attempt to save “Buck-a-beer”, Boss is allowing dollar stores to sell alcohol!

BREAKING: #FordFest2025 will be held by having tailgate parties simultaneously happening in the 7-11 and Circle K parking lots. Taquitos and Whiteclaws for everyone! You’re welcome Folksy-Friends!

#BREAKING: Boss has committed $1 Trillion to help ease gridlock by improving Ontarios teleportation sector. For more info, visit Ontario.ca/Teleportation/…

#BREAKING: Boss is having his 3rd McDonald's 🇨🇦 Quarter Pounder w/ Cheese. Who’s our Cheif Medical Offisser now? Arthur? Where you at Bro?

Hey folksy-friends! Does anyone know where Boss can buy a new tiny red shovel? His old one finally broke and Cody is useless.

#BREAKING: Boss has beaten a personal record and has now consumed 41 freshly cracked egg Sammiches from Tim Hortons . Let’s show our appreciate, folks!

#BREAKING: Doug Ford is spending $7.3M to retrofit new private jet with technology to support BlackBerry devices and his 1996 Compaq Presario.

Dag nabbit I was looking forward to some new travel digs. This stupid RCMP-bought van is starting to smell like cheetos and sadness! Doug Ford backs off government plane purchase, seeks to sell aircraft cp24.com/politics/queen…

#BREAKING: Boss has decided just paint the word “stealth” on the side of his jet and hopes people won’t see it anymore. Problem is, he searched how to spell “stealth”, I told him “S-T-E-L-T-H”, lol!

#BREAKING: Boss is selling the plane he spent $30m on. Taking bids for it now. I’ve enclosed a photo of the plane so you know what you’re bidding on. No lowballers, Boss knows what he’s got here.