why paint me like one of those french girls when you can eat me like one of those french croissants

what if u just, u know, fucked off?

at what point do we tell the cashier that the amount is NOT ok?

50 cent when the lights came on at the halftime show

yes, i know

my toxic trait is i get up 10 mins before i have to leave and give myself just enough time to get somewhere as long as i drive 85 the whole way

Just dropped my phone into a plate of scrambled eggs. The eggs got all up in the microphone holes and shit

POV: You follow Keanu Reeves into a Chuck E Cheese bathroom

im about as out of place as a Salt Life sticker in Appalachia

my toxic trait is knowing that my music taste is better than anyone else’s

the urge to smash your cat’s face in while passionately screaming “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH”

SCOTUS? how about SCROTUS, amirite?

LET 👏 THE 👏 WOMEN 👏 IN 👏 YOUR 👏 LIFE 👏 STAB 👏 YOU 👏 IF 👏 THEY 👏 WANT 👏

men will seriously wear cargo shorts instead of going to therapy.

going on a stupid run for my stupid mental health

am i going to have children?! i still tuck my stuffed animals in so none of them feel abandoned

when will cats realize that the licking must stop?