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BBC director : "Cut Kneecap, show someone else, use anyone." BBC editor : "That Vylan guy?" BBC director : "Anyone!" Bob Vylan : [crowd chanting] "Death, Death to the IDF, Death Death to the IDF" 🤣🤣

I’m barely surviving in ninety degrees, how will I ever make it in hell

I created a Teams meeting for myself so I could have an hours peace at lunchtime. Just before lunch I was gutted to see a Teams alert pop up for a meeting for me to attend. Sat in it waiting for 10mins before I realised it was the meeting I'd set up for myself.

Apparently, you shouldn't have a plug socket too near a sink. If you stick your hands in the water, then touch the plug it's bad. Some days I want to. 😂🤦‍♀️

I'm facing a charge of GBH for attacking a man with sandpaper. I just went too far, I only intended to rough him up a bit.

It's a myth that it was easier to buy a house thirty years ago. Nobody would give me a mortgage back then because I was five.

Let's face it, this world is a fu*ked up place these days, isn't it? More so than usual, it seems. So, let's talk about it. What has your knickers in a twist or put a bee in your bonnet lately, huh? What do you feel is flat out wrong? Let's find out by playing: #IsFuckingEvil

Willful ignorance #IsFuckingEvil

Customers walking in at 4.55 #IsFuckingEvil

Queue jumping #IsFuckingEvil

Taking away rights. #IsFuckingEvil

She #IsFuckingEvil is never something they will say about me, I'm stubborn, opinionated, angry, not afraid to speak my mind but never evil.

I accidentally broke it, now what if they don't end up together. 😭😭😂

It’s especially important that you keep this in mind since it’s Monday. 🤣

But can you make her laugh?

🤨

I don't need anyone inside me, thank you very much