*me and a guy go to a bar* Me: this place got mozzarella sicks*

*calls him on the way home, immediately goes to voice mail* Ron:HES FUCKING ANOTHER BITCH

*loses my keys at a golf course* Him: drags a trash can next to my car & it unlocks Him: do you know degrading this is to dump out a trash can to find your keys Me: a replacement fob is $500😂😂

Him: Bec seriously, where does all your money go? Me: I dunno, bills? *The SHEIN bags under my bed waiting for my dogs to drag them out*

Next I’m buying Coca-Cola to put the cocaine back in

Dear Apple please make an update for a voicemail option on FaceTime.

My toxic trait is when I get drunk I tell people my best friend is a doctor. In reality she’s a radiology aid

Frida Ghitis $8

What a fucking time to be alive 🤣 Mariah Smith

Us: no I don’t want to go to wilmo it’s too far Us: goes to Raleigh Mariah Smith for the ✨plot✨

Living with my parents for two weeks bc my house isn’t ready yet is like being 23 trapped in a 16 yr olds body. “Where you at” “When are you coming home” “Bec, it’s time to wake up” “You’re going to be late if you don’t get out of bed” “No you need to eat what we made for dinner”

The best part of pregnancy is everyone only telling me how much they hated it and constantly hearing “just wait for…” and never saying anything positive about it :)

🚨BREAKING: Blackhawk helicopter in western North Carolina is sabotaging volunteer supply zones. The mainstream media censored this! Let's make it go VIRAL!

My husband and his bestie after not seeing each other for 8 hours.

*telling Caleb I wanna go back to the place we went for lunch, for dinner* Caleb: ok but we have to take your car, you drive, and you give them your name so they don’t recognize us coming through twice I’m married to an actual diva

Trying to navigate my camera roll after this update, makes me feel like a boomer trying to convert a PDF to a word doc.

😂

Not my husband being my biggest opp in L&D and telling them I’m not drinking water when they asked and I said yes.