I open Twitter first thing just to see him in handcuffs. Maybe tomorrow.

Me at the eye doc still waiting 55 minutes after my scheduled appointment watching Karen videos so I don’t flip out.

Power’s been out for over 12 hours and my house is clean. DTE_Energy get us back online and stop this insanity before I start on closets.

Can't believe they are going to make a MAN queen. This woke nonsense has gone too far.

Thank you, Martha's Vineyard, for your example of how the rest of America should handle illegal-immigration.

Life hack: If you’ve already said a.m. you don’t need to add “in the morning.”

Some lady: And my baby Matthew is 11 going on 12. Yes, thanks for that. I’m aware of how age progression works.

online stores love to say “your order is on its way!” then when you go to the tracking number they gave you all of a sudden it’s “can you fucking relax?? we just printed the label..”

Hear me out. Cauliflower made out of pizza crust.

I was told this week my aura is delightful and, honestly, I’ve been riding this high for days.

Good morning to the lady who sits in the employee lot plucking her chin hairs every morning like she’s invisible in there. ✌️

Lmao at a billionaire earnestly trying to sell people on the idea that “free speech” is actually a $8/mo subscription plan

People watching Handmaids Tale and being like “I bet the gas in Gilead is under $3”

BIG GRETCH #yesmichigan #Vote2022

I can’t with this irony. Waiting in Starbucks for my mobile order. Old lady next to me says, you should nag them bc maybe they lost your order. Me: nah, I just placed it a few minutes ago. Barista: Karen! * old lady picks up the drink for Karen *