When brushing his teeth, my boyfriend always lets the toothpaste run down the brush and onto his hand. He genuinely doesn't see the problem with it. Considered leaving him over it

Used to keep a tally, by gender, of people who thanked me when I gave way to them while driving. Had to stop when the wife got pissed off realising that on average 58% more men said thank you compared to women.

The lights in the loos at my new office are motion-activated, and deactivate after about 10 minutes. I am now proficient at wiping in the dark. No skid marks so far.

Had to hurriedly get dressed mid-shag and answer the door to my local councillor out canvassing. Good job I didn't send his wife down to answer it, I suppose.

Wife and I got engaged in Paris in 2019. Had planned to visit Notre Dame as part of itinerary but didn't quite get round to it. We said don't worry Notre Dame's not going anywhere. Two months later? Razed to the ground.

Got a nasty sunburn with some recent sunshine. Started peeling and found it annoying to do it myself. However, the dog is loving it, so I just let it lick it off on its own. Felt weird at first, but got used to it.

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Friend wanted to be a pop star. I sang on his demo as a favour but couldn't be arsed. It ended up being a minor hit. Now I hear my out of tune backing vocals in the supermarket every few months.

We've got a Birmingham date for FESSHOLE LIVE, 18th Sept at Hockley Social Club.. This is almost a home-coming gig for us and the first time in the West Midlands.

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More of a general fess - people with innie belly buttons generally don't wash their belly buttons, which means they are HONKING. Don't believe me? Put your finger in yours, wiggle it, then take a sniff.

When I'm out at the pub or a restaurant when I come back from the toilet, I always wring my hands to make it look like I'm getting rid of the remaining water after washing.
I never wash my hands.

Office worker by day, failed commedian by night. I've made up about 6 stories and sent them to Fesshole just to try and get some laughs and likes. None were published. Even my made up life is too boring apparently.

Last week I got really high and tried to order a pack of 50 little plastic spiders because 'its cheaper now, cus Halloween wouldn't expect it in April' but instead I ordered 50 packs of 200 and now have 10,000 little plastic spiders sitting in a box in my living room.

Bought myself one of those new fangled slim metal wallet / card holder things in a really cool camo green colour. Can't find the fucking thing, most of the time.

I can turn devices off from my WiFi so I turned the kids iPad off & told them that the prime minister has said that the WiFi has to go off at 8pm so that all children can get a good nights sleep as too many children spend hours on their devices

I feed the rats that live near my tram stop each morning. When I'm off work for more than a few days, I bring them a treat when I'm back as I feel guilty for leaving them hungry.

I used what I thought was liver in the freezer, I prepared it as paté, served it to friends, it was lugworm for fishing.

After 15 pints of wheat beer on a business trip in Germany, I awoke to surprisingly feel not too bad, stood up from the bed, farted, followed through and covered the bed and most of the bedroom in liquid shit. Turns out I have a wheat beer I tolerance

Caught a young man attempting to burgle my house & placed him under citizen's arrest while I called the police. While holding him and waiting for the police, we had a couple cup of teas & some nice civil conversation. By the time the police got there I chose not to press charges.

As a 14 yr old in the 80s updates about emergency school closures were phoned in to the local radio stations. There was no verification on your identity and the notice was read out in good faith. So staff & pupils can thank me for the extra snow day off in 1980. You're welcome.