Mother’s Day gift guides are appalling- we are more than candles, notebooks and monogrammed stuff!

PSA to all youngsters… you don’t outgrow clumsiness. It follows you for life.

So let’s just say your plan would actually save lives … a. Pay teachers a heck of a lot more b. Review literally all historical facts, the only way to make this better is by gun control- ENOUGH SAID!

You would think that after all these years I would know how to activate my own ‘out of office,’ but I still ask Scottymay21 🤣

Growing up I had absolutely no idea just how much my parents did for me every single day. Now that I am a parent, I truly regret being such a little jerk sometimes.

What if for an entire day every single American woman went on strike. We won’t work, teach, save patient’s lives, clean, cook, compete, research… we will sit in silence to mourn the rights we just lost. Would that get you to listen?

My husband is literally yelling right now defending women and minorities- I’ve never been more turned on.

If I ever need a super secret hiding place, I’m going to use the pile of things that need to go upstairs to hide it. Damn sure no one in my family notices that pile exists.

He’s a 10 but spends his weekends away from the family hunting, fishing and golfing.

Sunday night is to Monday morning as Friday night is to Saturday morning.

Kids now are instantly cooler than we ever were … moms show up to pickup saying, “Billie Eilish has a new song you’ll like and I snagged you a can of Liquid Death.”

#MarcelTheShell was the cutest AND made me lol the entire movie

The FBI must know my bday is tomorrow. This is one hell of a gift! #TrumpFBIRaid

Wife never watches baseball. Wife decides to watch baseball. Steelers are never broadcast in Texas. Steelers are being broadcast in Texas. Both are true. Who will take control of the remote?!

3-2-1… 1-2-3… what the heck is bothering me?! Stanley cups!

Should stop allowing myself on the PRADA site. But also it’s my motivation, so maybe it’s a healthy view.

One year ago my car had 26k miles and now has 61k miles on it. It is for that reason I will not apologize for the onslaught of voice memos I leave for the folks in my inner circle.