Nicola Coughlan for Skims. Photographed by Elizaveta Porodina.

People pointing out he should have grabbed a more dangerous weapon: some of us just want the burglar to go away, not find out what it means to take a human life

“Do you have a boyfriend?” “I have a wife, actually.” “Oh. Are you bisexual or straight?” …. Sir??? And then once I told this man I was a lesbian he proceeded to ask if I still see men. What part of LESBIAN and WIFE do you not understand?!?!?!

If god is real she’ll send me a residual check right now

So cool that he came back today to tell me its a shame that I’m a lesbian because he’d ask me out if I wasn’t, and that if I ever change my mind to let him know 🙃

I want to play Mario galaxy SO BAD like no other game will suffice!!!!! But I don’t own it!!! This sucks!!!!!

don’t ask why but i need stanley tucci’s character to run into his ex lover, benoit blanc, and we realize it’s the devil wears prada 2: knives out 3

This cannot be the same bladder that used to go entire school days without pissing

Bane of my existence is Lisa Frankenstein filming in my city and no one sending me an audition notice. Like hello I was made for this movie I am begging you to put me in coach

No auditions since the start of summer and now back to back the two I get I’m out of town when they film 🙃 I’m gonna kms

Meant to have cute nails, forced to work in the service industry

Sometimes the service industry is hard and sometimes people suck but sometimes I get to witness a five year old girl tell a random 70 year old woman that she thinks she’s beautiful and I’m reminded how sweet the human experience can be, ya know?

Showed great restraint at the movies today when a man, after the Wicked trailer, said “better than the play, I assume”

My wife just paid me the highest compliment I’ve ever received by saying that she thinks me and Helena Bonham Carter would really get along if we ever met.

This day is for the birds

I can’t do a hear me out cake because I simply have great taste

Everyone go stream my episode of The Thing About Pam I need a residual check bad lol

Being an actor is so embarrassing sometimes lol