I hated peas as a child so my mother would hide a pea in my roast dinners every sunday. Every week I would finish my dinner, then victoriously leave the solitary pea alone on the plate. I'm 44 now and yesterday she confessed that she actually used to hide two peas. The twat.

Whenever I used to post a question I need the answer to online, I'd scarcely get a response. Now, I also use an alternative account to reply with a horrendously wrong answer. I get dozens of responses under my wrong answer. People love correcting others and proving them wrong.

Dear Tim Key I saw this photo of Beckham “admiring” the Mona Lisa and thought I bet Tim could write a wonderful poem about David having a whale of a time laughing at the cards in Clinton’s. Struggling to contain any composure as he attempts to grab another from the rack.

Wolverine can’t be circumcised. #FridayFacts

Oh boy. Real life movie stuff. Go on Gareth lad. Let’s ‘av it.

It’s so funny how now a celeb tweets (no blue check) and all the replies from “normals” (with one) it’s totally flipped and Musk is clearing up.

A roll of the ‘dyce 🎲 #LeedsUnited

Cough cough Ryan Reynolds Rob Mac cough cough

Randy “The Ram” Robinson MICKEY ROURKE #TheWrestler darren aronofsky #CustomWrestlingFigures #RamJam

Sorry Gilbert. #LinkedIn

Arsenal spending some serious cash on rice. There’s a Co-op right next to the stadium!

Ball playing defender No nonsense CB

Bizarre choice to totally rip the TikTok blue and red colour shift thing. And It’s not even subtle.

JUST moved back to London (from NY), rented a van with Enterprise and was victim to someone drilling into the lock on the side panel. Apparently this is a THING. Got billed for 2k. If it’s a THING why are they not alarmed? why are customers paying? BBC Watchdog

Freelance starting today with MOTHER. I'll be free again from the Monday 4th Sept. evanspringle.com

Concedo #WHUCHE

Has anyone ever won on Octopus Energy spin-the-wheel? the fact I have hit a 0 every time seems a bit odd considering there are so many £1's also. Saw this on Reddit when Googling it.

4. 😄😄🤣

"Jermaine Jenas & Huw Edwards to present a podcast together about being sacked by the BBC. It must not, repeat must not be titled Huw Jenas"

Bots will win. Scalpers will profit. Mods will perish. #oasisreunion