Customs agent: Sir do you have anything to declare? Me:

“Start spreading the news, bitches!” Put this quote on a statue in front of Skydome. I’ll start the Go Fund Me

Wedding Officiant: Speak now, or forever hold your peace Me:

Yiiiiikes. Imagine all the different guys Seattle will get to see when they’re the ones actually playing in the World Series

HOOOOO BOY who else is crying right now!!!!!

Start spreadin’ the news!!!!

🏖️🏖️👋👋

I’m just super bummed that all the Dodgers fans spouting off about intentional walks didn’t have a platform like Twitter to whine about how many times their team was walking Barry Bonds 20 years ago 🥲

John Schneider took a last place team in ‘24 to first place in ‘25 by winning 20 more games year-to-year with largely the same roster and staff. But yeah, congrats to the Cleveland Wahoos and their manager. You go Glen Coco! 👍

*Insert one of the 3.6 million Buffalo Sabres jokes available to be made*

That moment when the national broadcast ends, NBC hands off to its local affiliates, and King 5 descends into absolute ineptitude. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry

Pierre’s Venezuelan in-laws learning that he’s hated onions this entire time

Your move, Alberta Government

If you’re able, spare some good thoughts today for my best friend Mia, who passed away earlier today. Girl, I couldn’t feel any more grateful to have had the last five years together 💕

I would run through a brick wall for Rick Bowness…what else you wanna know?