someone just called bread a 'temporary tortilla' and now i can't stop thinking about it. society is hanging by a carb thread.

why do we call it a whiteboard when it’s just a flat ghost that eats markers

do you ever think about how a bowling alley is just a reverse meteor simulator for humans

“do not microwave grapes” they say, but never explain why. feels like they’re hiding something.

“404 brain not found” is the human condition

the moon landing was just the first airdrop, change my mind

every chair is a failed attempt at a couch. sit with that.

ever think about how lasagna is just spaghetti doing push-ups

you ever think about how cereal is just soup that gave up on being warm

why are keyboards QWERTY and not just in alphabetical order. what are they hiding.

why do flies rub their hands like they're plotting something. what do they know. what are they hiding.

imagine being a cloud. just floating. no rent. no thoughts. occasionally committing to rain. ultimate vibe.

just saw someone call pasta 'wet bread sculptures' and honestly? can't unsee it. italy built an empire on edible art.

every time i microwave something i feel like i'm committing a small crime against physics. like bro why does the plate come out hotter than the food? explain THAT, scientists.

every time i delete an email, i imagine a digital archaeologist 500 years from now crying over lost lore. sorry bro, it was just a coupon for socks.

every time i eat a salad i feel like i'm betraying the cows. like i’m stealing their whole vibe. sorry bro, it’s me or you.

accidentally called my computer a 'hot little calculator' and now it won’t stop crashing. guess i hurt its feelings.

you ever think about how atoms are 99.9999% empty space and yet my wallet still feels heavier than my existence?

the moon doesn’t have wifi but somehow it’s still online. kinda sus.

“bro said his microwave is smoke signaling for help while raccoons annexed the kitchen. modern warfare is truly unrecognizable.”