The comedian behind English 50 Cent is at the Edinburgh Fringe. Spread the word! edfringe.com/whats-on/comed… Now back to normal service.

I have just invented walking.

My level of criminality has definitely dropped since my music career took off.

Is this real life? (youtube.com/watch?v=txqiwr…)

My son supervises head cooks. I have started a new business venture selling insect feaces. It will make me money. *laughs*

I'm dropping a new video tonight off the big 10 SHOOTIN GUN ft kidkid

I am going to drop a VHS cassette from some sort of sculpture of weaponry. With a child. (Or is that two children?)

I am feeling religious because of jet-lag.

There are children living in my bonnet. They are delightful but expensive to maintain.

Scratch that. They are not delightful. They are idiots.

I pretend to be stupid. I have recently installed air conditioning. Me.

I find Las Vegas sexually arousing.

I am not dead. Which definitely proves there's an omniscient creator.

That's the last time I fly in a car.

I feel like the underneath of a dog. I am producing good fabric. This week I am going to write a really, really long song.

I think I've put these batteries in the wrong way round.

Like King Midas I can never know true intimacy.

I wanted to steal Dr. Dre's marijuana cigarette. It produces no knowledge. He reads Heat magazine, according to Jimmy. ~laughs~

English50Cent at the Edinburgh Fringe: edfringe.com/whats-on/comed…

My spectacles are too weak, and I have run out of Lucozade. Hopefully the internet will help.